Black Humor

1.The world is nothing but a vast, concerted attempt to catch you with your pants down.

2.Mickey Mouse is a rat.

3.Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money

4.For refund, insert baby here.
Graffiti on condom machine

5.Wife and dog missing. Reward for the dog.
Bumper Sticker

6.We really don't have enemies, it's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us

7.Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't drink and drive.....
Leave that to me.


8.If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid

9.Nobody's perfect... well, there was this guy, but we killed him.


10.Much can be accomplished with a smile. More can be accomplished with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone

11.As you're reading what I've put,
You are pissing on your foot
Graffiti above a urinal

12.Jesus loves you
(but everyone else thinks you're an asshole)
Olga Koussi


13.Silence is golden... but it's also boring.

14.If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.

15."The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off."
British Army Journal (1949)

16.God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!

17.Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

18.The total of bad luck in the universe is a constant.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid

19.God, protect me from your followers...

20.Why are you reading this? The joke is in your pants.
Public Toilet

21.God made pot... Man made beer... Who do you trust?

22.If necessity is the mother of invention, then laziness must be the father.

23.Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

24.The more I know people, the more I love my dog.

25.The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating... Then, you finish off as an orgasm.
Andy Rooney