Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.
Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wanna get some payback...
Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is...
Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.
Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.
Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)
Lectures : Waste of time. Physical presence is a must...only meant for sleeping, completing assignments & general TP
Tuitions : What you take when you don't waste enough time....
Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
Vernacular Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?" )
Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.
Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings.(from the girls of course...).
2. The Truth about exams....
Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.
Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam...
Re-verification : A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the KT exam).
3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
1. Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
2. Thou shalt never write thy assignments thyself.
3. Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
4. Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
5. Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
6. Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
7. Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
8. Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present...PROXY is a MUST
9. If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
10. Thou shalt start every sentence with a four-lettered word.
4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
B.E. B*lls to Engineering
Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,Honge AllC lear, Honge All Clear Ek Din, OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas, pura hai vishwas, hum ho! ge all clear ek din
Top two Engineering Rumors:
'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, its been put up at PU
The most dreaded acronym for Engineers:
ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
The most important criteria while selecting an engineering college:
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than0 .025% then that college is engineers dream come true)
Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class
The most important machine for Engineers:
Xerox Machine (Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)
The most important table in an Engineer's House:
The glass table ( to carry out GT operations, during Night Duty.)
The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
Submission Queue
An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !
Common Engineering Dialogues after a paper:
'Wha! t is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'
'I am failing....I got s****ed royally'
5. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Some morequotes
1."Are you gonna bark all day, little doggie, or are you gonna bite?"
Mr. Blond, "Reservoir Dogs"
2."When there is peace, the warlike man attacks himself" - that's Nietzsche, and his point is that there really is no peace. There's always some war, somewhere, with someone. And there are no winners or losers either... just those who are still around to fight another day.
Buffalo Soldiers
Mr. Blond, "Reservoir Dogs"
2."When there is peace, the warlike man attacks himself" - that's Nietzsche, and his point is that there really is no peace. There's always some war, somewhere, with someone. And there are no winners or losers either... just those who are still around to fight another day.
Buffalo Soldiers
Sunday, September 25, 2005
MOVIE QUOTES
1.I always make sure and keep one slug in reserve... Either for myself -- or the other poor jerk!
Chow Yun Fat, The Killer
2.Ohhh man! I will never forgive your ass for this shit! This is some fucked-up repugnant shit!
Pulp Fiction
3."Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off of a dead mans balls." I have no idea what that means, but it seems very negative to me.
Good Morning Vietnam
4.Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a girl on your date? Charlie Mackenzie: I know everyone always says a sense of humour, but I really have to go with breast size...
So I Married an Axe Murderer
5.You either gotta get busy living, or get busy dying.
Shawshank Redemption
Chow Yun Fat, The Killer
2.Ohhh man! I will never forgive your ass for this shit! This is some fucked-up repugnant shit!
Pulp Fiction
3."Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off of a dead mans balls." I have no idea what that means, but it seems very negative to me.
Good Morning Vietnam
4.Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a girl on your date? Charlie Mackenzie: I know everyone always says a sense of humour, but I really have to go with breast size...
So I Married an Axe Murderer
5.You either gotta get busy living, or get busy dying.
Shawshank Redemption
VERSE
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepards the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the LORD, when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
Pulp Fiction
(Partly from Hesekiel 25:17)
Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepards the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers keeper and the finder of lost children.
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers.
And you will know my name is the LORD, when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
Pulp Fiction
(Partly from Hesekiel 25:17)
Saturday, September 24, 2005
A TRUE STORY
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark; "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Mr. Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
BUT on 5 July 1995 in Tampa Bay, FL while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hits a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Mr. Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Gorsky statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
BUT on 5 July 1995 in Tampa Bay, FL while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hits a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
Friday, September 23, 2005
Black Humor
1.The world is nothing but a vast, concerted attempt to catch you with your pants down.
2.Mickey Mouse is a rat.
3.Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money
4.For refund, insert baby here.
Graffiti on condom machine
5.Wife and dog missing. Reward for the dog.
Bumper Sticker
6.We really don't have enemies, it's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us
7.Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't drink and drive.....
Leave that to me.
8.If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid
9.Nobody's perfect... well, there was this guy, but we killed him.
10.Much can be accomplished with a smile. More can be accomplished with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone
11.As you're reading what I've put,
You are pissing on your foot
Graffiti above a urinal
12.Jesus loves you
(but everyone else thinks you're an asshole)
Olga Koussi
13.Silence is golden... but it's also boring.
14.If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.
15."The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off."
British Army Journal (1949)
16.God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!
17.Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
18.The total of bad luck in the universe is a constant.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid
19.God, protect me from your followers...
20.Why are you reading this? The joke is in your pants.
Public Toilet
21.God made pot... Man made beer... Who do you trust?
22.If necessity is the mother of invention, then laziness must be the father.
23.Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
24.The more I know people, the more I love my dog.
25.The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating... Then, you finish off as an orgasm.
Andy Rooney
2.Mickey Mouse is a rat.
3.Cocaine addiction is God's way of saying you make too much money
4.For refund, insert baby here.
Graffiti on condom machine
5.Wife and dog missing. Reward for the dog.
Bumper Sticker
6.We really don't have enemies, it's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us
7.Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't drink and drive.....
Leave that to me.
8.If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid
9.Nobody's perfect... well, there was this guy, but we killed him.
10.Much can be accomplished with a smile. More can be accomplished with a smile and a gun.
Al Capone
11.As you're reading what I've put,
You are pissing on your foot
Graffiti above a urinal
12.Jesus loves you
(but everyone else thinks you're an asshole)
Olga Koussi
13.Silence is golden... but it's also boring.
14.If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.
15."The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off."
British Army Journal (1949)
16.God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!
17.Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
18.The total of bad luck in the universe is a constant.
Abhijeet aka xiphoid
19.God, protect me from your followers...
20.Why are you reading this? The joke is in your pants.
Public Toilet
21.God made pot... Man made beer... Who do you trust?
22.If necessity is the mother of invention, then laziness must be the father.
23.Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
24.The more I know people, the more I love my dog.
25.The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards. You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating... Then, you finish off as an orgasm.
Andy Rooney
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Amusing Quotes from American Stand-up Comics
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Bob Hope
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
Emo Philips
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen
A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Bob Hope
I ran three miles today. Finally I said, "Lady take your purse."
Emo Philips
Sunday, September 18, 2005
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